Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing: A Memoir

This truly broke my heart. Probably more so because I listened to it. Here HIM speak made this! He was a tortured soul. I wish he could have found his true love and had kiddos.

I felt this book was a very intimate and candid look into the life of Matthew Perry and his personal struggles with addiction. It was made sadder by his passing and the events leading up to his death.

I knew this was focused a lot around his struggles with alcoholism and addiction but knowing he didn't make it to a year after this was published just hits different. It's a sad story to begin with but to hear all of what he went through is just so crazy. He had so many near death experiences I'm sure he's looking down saying "it's amazing I lasted this long." What was crazier is he basically called his own death. He mentions he could ‘have a heart attack with no one around to find him’ and that's exactly what happened. I can't imagine all the battles and demons he had to fight while being such a national face. Even after his death, Matthew Perry IS Chandler. I loved hearing his FRIENDS pieces, but to know he was battling so much while being one of my favorite characters is pretty mind-boggling. Overall, I enjoyed this but I also found it so sad! I think I would've thought that even if he was still alive but knowing he’ll never be able to achieve the things he was setting himself up for in his second part of life was so hard to hear.

Solid 4.5 Stars

With a book like this, it is hard to say that I loved it or that it may be my favorite of the month. This memoir was raw and honest and at times, tough to read/listen to. But I think there are many people in the world that need to read it.

I am a HUGE friends fan. I have basically memorized all 236 episodes. Chandler is one of my favorite characters and since I think of myself as a Monica, I am always praying to one day meet my Chandler. I was too young when it started so I wasn't tuned in to much of the news after the show since that was when I was catching up on earlier seasons. However, after Perry's passing, I knew I needed to read this book and really learn more about the man behind one of my all-time favorite TV characters.

Having now read the book, my heart breaks. Perry went through so much and the pain and substance use started so young, mainly to heal pain that never should have been there in the first place. He doesn't blame his parents so I am desperately trying not to either but I wonder how his life would have been different if the first few years of his life had gone better.

Many readers have said that the timeline was hard to follow or that it wasn't edited well and I wouldn't disagree. But Perry's vulnerability and admitting to so many things he felt he did wrong was just beautiful to read. He really put himself out there with this book. He took a huge risk and in my opinion, I am glad he did. The more I read and learned about him, the more I love him and wish he was still here. There were definitely things I wish he had gone deeper into; however, there were parts where I was shocked at just how much he was willing to share. I would have loved to know more about FRIENDS and the Ron Clark Story but I have to remind myself and other readers that this book is not about his career but more about his life, love, and struggle with addiction.

I wish he could see how many lives he has touched both from his career and with this memoir. I know there are people who have been struggling and have read this book and decided to be better, to ask for help. I know Perry himself helped so many before his death. I truly hope that he is looking down now and seeing just how amazing he is and just how blessed we all felt to have him in our lives.


Quotes:
"Matthew is the reason we are all laughing in that fountain in the opening titles" xii
"I have these nagging thoughts: I'm not enough, I don't matter, I am too needy. These thoughts make me uncomfortable. I need love, but I don't trust it. If I drop my game, my Chandler, and show you who I really am, you might notice me, but worse, you might notice me and leave me. And I can't have that. I won't survive that. Not anymore. So I will leave you first" pg. 13
"And to all the women I left, simply because I was afraid that they were going to leave me, I deeply apologize from the bottom of my heart. If I only knew then, what I know now..." pg. 56
"What did I do differently? I listened. I didn't just stand there and wait for my turn to speak. Sometimes in acting, it's more powerful to listen than to talk. I have tried to incorporate that in my real life too. Know more, say less" pg. 142
"I love the look on Schwimmer's face as I deliver that line - it's the perfect mixture of affection and amusement, exactly what the show Friends had always given the world." pg. 163
"Friends had been a safe place, a touchstone of calm for me; it had given me a reason to get out of bed every morning, and it had also given me a reason to take it a little bit easier the night before" pg. 165
"Change is still scary, even when your life is on the line" pg. 184
"I was here for more than this big terrible thing. That I could help people, love them, because of how far down the scale I had gone, I had a story to tell, a story that could really help people. And helping others had become the answer for me." pg. 211
"None of them had battled their entire lives with a brain that was built to kill them. I would give it all up to not have that. No one believes this, but it's true" pg. 229