The Days I Loved You Most

What are your first impressions of the setting? How does Neff make you feel while placing you into the families at work and what do you learn of the family dynamic?

How do you feel about the controversial decision Evelyn and Joseph have made? Can you understand it? And do you feel differently about the decision Evelyn has made vs Joseph’s?

If you made the same decision would you tell your children or keep the final year a secret? How do you think telling them will alter their behaviour and dynamics?

What role does music play in the family and for Evelyn and Jane, and what does it symbolise for each of them?

Why did young Evelyn feel betrayed by Joseph? How has telling the children of their plans affected each of the children and their lives? How has it influenced Rain and Violet the most?

Are you seeing the connections in Evelyn and Joseph’s love story and their children’s names? What is their significance?

How do loss and grief affect Evelyn and Joseph’s story? Do we need life-altering events to strengthen connections?

How has death become its own character in the story and what scenes do you feel its presence most?

Do you think Joseph and Evelyn’s life is balanced fairly between their own individual wants and dreams?

Do you think their relationship would be successful if they both got what they wanted or do you feel that love demands sacrifice and compromise?

Evelyn is most concerned with ‘living life fully’. What does it mean to ‘live fully’? How do Joseph and Evelyn’s perspectives on a ‘full life’ differ?

How is Jane and Evelyn’s relationship different than the others?

Why doesn’t Evelyn believe that Joseph has ‘dreams’ for his life? Why does his satisfaction and contentment become a point of contention ·both in their early relationship and now?

Evelyn struggles to adapt to motherhood. Looking at her own mother, Maelynn who didn’t have children, and Jane, how do they each differ in how they’ve handled motherhood?

How does adding a new person, Sam, change the dynamic of the family? How has Neff used Sam’s character as a catalyst for change and a fallout in the plot?

What is it Evelyn likes about Sam?

Why is Joseph insecure in his marriage and where does he feel the lack most? Is it in their relationship or in Evelyn’s dreams?

Do you feel Joseph did enough to restore balance in their compromises or could he have done more?

How has knowing the plan affected each of the children in the final months?

How has Evelyn and Joseph’s decision affected the way they have lived for better and for worse? For both themselves and for their children and grandchildren?

For a person who has experienced so much loss already in life, why is Evelyn’s death different for Joseph and why does he feel he needs to go with her?

Do you think the family had more or less peace with Evelyn’s passing because of the way they lived the last year?

What is the turning point for Joseph at the end of the novel?

What role do the letters play and what role does the family play in this decision?

What are your final thoughts after reading the last chapter of the book? What feelings did the book leave you with?