Rules for Visiting

May very helpfully offers her ten rules for visiting. Is there one that you would add? Any that you have quibbles with?

Do you believe in the concept of a best friend? If so, why? If not, when did that notion lose its meaning for you?

May taps into her truest self through gardening, nurturing the care that she brings on her visits. What is the hobby or calling where you find that quality in yourself? Do we attribute enough value to the things that make us into better people?

Social media plays an important role in the novel—Amber’s story gives May the inspiration for her journey, Lindy filters her life through Facebook and Instagram, and #fortnightfriends goes viral. How have digital platforms had an impact on your friendships?

From the Virginia Woolf epigram to Emerson’s Happy is the house that shelters a friend, the book draws inspiration from centuries of writing on friendship and visiting. Are there aphorisms or essays dear to you on these topics?

Which of the novel’s characters did you most closely identify with? If you were to choose the life of May, Lindy, Vanessa, Neera, or Rose for yourself, which would you pick?

In her visits, we see how much May brings into the lives of her friends and how the time she spends with them invigorates her, too. With her mother, however, May must confront the limits of what one person can do for another. Have you had to face this truth in your life? How have you responded?

Rose describes May as “[p]rickly, but in a soft, long-needled way.” By one definition, the thrill of true friendship is having someone who sees the virtue in your unevenness. How do your friends describe you? What does it take to see past your defenses?

May rails against the death of just “showing up.” Yet with Leo, the absence of physical proximity makes space for a new kind of intimacy. Why do you think this is? To what extent does the novel believe that absence makes the heart grow fonder?

Think of someone that you want to visit. Will you do it? Why or why not?