You Exist Too Much: A Novel
A “provocative and seductive debut” of desire and doubleness that follows the life of a young Palestinian American woman caught between cultural, religious, and sexual identities as she endeavors to lead an authentic life (O, The Oprah Magazine).
On a hot day in Bethlehem, a 12–year–old Palestinian–American girl is yelled at by a group of men outside the Church of the Nativity. She has exposed her legs in a biblical city, an act they deem forbidden, and their judgement will echo on through her adolescence. When our narrator finally admits to her mother that she is queer, her mother’s response only intensifies a sense of shame: “You exist too much,” she tells her daughter.
Told in vignettes that flash between the U.S. and the Middle East—from New York to Jordan, Lebanon, and Palestine—Zaina Arafat’s debut novel traces her protagonist’s progress from blushing teen to sought–after DJ and aspiring writer. In Brooklyn, she moves into an apartment with her first serious girlfriend and tries to content herself with their comfortable relationship. But soon her longings, so closely hidden during her teenage years, explode out into reckless romantic encounters and obsessions with other people. Her desire to thwart her own destructive impulses will eventually lead her to The Ledge, an unconventional treatment center that identifies her affliction as “love addiction.” In this strange, enclosed society she will start to consider the unnerving similarities between her own internal traumas and divisions and those of the places that have formed her.
Opening up the fantasies and desires of one young woman caught between cultural, religious, and sexual identities, You Exist Too Much is a captivating story charting two of our most intense longings—for love, and a place to call home.
On a hot day in Bethlehem, a 12–year–old Palestinian–American girl is yelled at by a group of men outside the Church of the Nativity. She has exposed her legs in a biblical city, an act they deem forbidden, and their judgement will echo on through her adolescence. When our narrator finally admits to her mother that she is queer, her mother’s response only intensifies a sense of shame: “You exist too much,” she tells her daughter.
Told in vignettes that flash between the U.S. and the Middle East—from New York to Jordan, Lebanon, and Palestine—Zaina Arafat’s debut novel traces her protagonist’s progress from blushing teen to sought–after DJ and aspiring writer. In Brooklyn, she moves into an apartment with her first serious girlfriend and tries to content herself with their comfortable relationship. But soon her longings, so closely hidden during her teenage years, explode out into reckless romantic encounters and obsessions with other people. Her desire to thwart her own destructive impulses will eventually lead her to The Ledge, an unconventional treatment center that identifies her affliction as “love addiction.” In this strange, enclosed society she will start to consider the unnerving similarities between her own internal traumas and divisions and those of the places that have formed her.
Opening up the fantasies and desires of one young woman caught between cultural, religious, and sexual identities, You Exist Too Much is a captivating story charting two of our most intense longings—for love, and a place to call home.
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Community Reviews
Great start then fizzles out. Had the potential to be a best seller, still could be with a few edits towards the end. Still would recommend based on originality and boldness. Enjoyed the read.
As much as some people don’t like books that jump from time period to time period, the way in which Arafat does it in this book is something that leaves you on the edge of your seat. Every flip of the page made me wanting more of the story, and that didn’t stop as I read the last line.
This book tells a story of someone longing for something they’ve never truly had, and everything they go through to get to where they need to be to obtain it. Beautifully written.
This book tells a story of someone longing for something they’ve never truly had, and everything they go through to get to where they need to be to obtain it. Beautifully written.
Our protagonist is a Palestinian-American woman who has been raised in the United States, but who frequently travels back to see her family who live in Gaza. She is bi and struggling with revealing this to her family, but especially to her mother.
Her mother, who was born and raised in Palestine and only moved to the United States as an adult, can only be described as abusive to her daughter. We're told that in her upbringing she lived through a lot of trauma, which I don't doubt, but unfortunately we don't get a lot of details. We also see how her father, while there and appearing to 'pay the bills' so to speak, was also not a good parent. He appears to be cold and uncaring and the only time you glimpse any softness in his character has to do with him 'gazing upon his beautiful wife'. He's also a man who expects everything to be done for him, so when his wife finally divorces him he leans heavily on his children in his loneliness and also uses guilt as a manipulation tactic against them just like their mother.
Even as a child her mother was extremely hard on her her, possibly because she knew that she would be different or also maybe because she saw so much of herself in her. She constantly uses her love and the threat of withdrawal of said love as a threat and a punishment to attempt to get her daughter to do what she wants her to do. She comments on her appearance and her intelligence and generally just makes her daughter, even as a child, feel like she has to perform, and perfectly at that, in order to gain her mother's love and approval. Which from the outside perspective is obvious that this is an impossible and unaccomplishable task.
So, as an adult, our protagonist struggles with her complex feelings about her mother. She wants her approval, but after going to rehab for her love addiction she does find the strength to come to terms with the fact that her complex relationship with her mother is not her fault. Her relationships suffer as an adult, especially her romantic relationships, due to her not knowing what a healthy relationship looks or feels like. She seems to cling to people who are not good for her and some who are not even romantically interested in her, while treating the people who do love her terribly by cheating and lying to them. Throughout the novel we see her jump from one relationship to the next, without really seeing her mindset change which is a little disappointing, although as we discussed in book club it is probably more accurate to real life trauma.
Our author uses dual timelines in order to give us a perspective both from the present day but also from our protagonist's childhood. I really enjoyed this aspect of the book until about the halfway point where the timelines stopped flowing into one another well.
I thought the author's writing was poetic at times but at other times it felt rushed. Specifically before she enters rehab the book flows beautifully between the two timelines but after her stint everything feels very rushed and nothing feels very fleshed out as far as the plot goes. This was a general consensus in book club, that we felt that maybe the ending of the novel had been rushed and hadn't been given the time that the first part had because it felt like a different author had written it almost. I also really wished that we saw more about life in Palestine but we only got snippets of that from when our protagonist travels back to visit family. We do see a couple of scenes like her being made to wear pants because she wasn't allowed to show her knees in the mosque as a child, or her sitting for an entire day just trying to cross the border. I really wanted more like this, but I understand that it was limited because our character was only traveling back and forth and was doing so as a wealthy American which changes everything.
This was my January 2024 book club pick and when I heard that it was written by a Palestinian American author I was pretty excited because I have recently been trying to read everything I can on the current conflict. I was hoping for a novel that would give me some insight into the way Palestinians have lived under occupation by the Israelis. Unfortunately that is not really what this book is about. I appreciate that the author did give us some insights, like towards the end where we see our main character sit at a border crossing all day for what seems like no reason other than the soldiers wanting to delay her crossing. I did enjoy this book even if it wasn't what I was expecting, and I would definitely read more from this author. I believe this is her debut novel and I think with a little more writing under her belt (and I hate saying that because she's a writer, she's got a lot of writing under her belt already, but not in novel form it seems) her work could be considered a great literary work. She also sent us signed book plates, which is really nice, not many authors do that for our book club but when they do it always feels special.
loved the insight into love and sex addiction from the perspective of a palestinian american, queer woman.
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