Why Can't I Let You Go?: Break Free from Trauma Bonds, End Toxic Relationships, and Develop Healthy Attachments

Why Can’t I Let You Go is a book about relationship trauma bonds (RTB), what causes them, and how to break free. I read this book from the viewpoint of a licensed mental health therapist, and not someone who has ever been in an RTB. What I love most about this book is that it facilitates some deep self-examination for that person who finds themselves in one bad relationship after another. The authors do not victim blame, yet they go so far beyond the “girl, just leave that toxic man” type of advice. With helpful self-assessment tools, the authors assist readers in identifying the core beliefs and attachment issues driving their relationship choices. Often, I think journaling exercises are a little cheesy, but I thought these were solid. The methods they utilize are taken from evidenced based practices, yet it is an accessible, easy read. They struck the balance between information and anecdotes perfectly, in my opinion. The audiobook narrator did a great job. If you are going to read this via audiobook, I recommend keeping a pen and paper nearby, especially for the self-assessments. If you can, get the e-book or a physical copy. There are some things in here I think you’ll want to go back to and reference. Though this book is aimed at people in RTBs, I think it could be helpful for anyone who struggles with some unhealthy patterns in their relationships, even if the relationships are generally good. The ultimate question for me is: would I recommend this to my clients? Absolutely, I would – and I probably will.