What My Mother And I Dont Talk About
*Most Anticipated Reads of 2019 by Publishers Weekly, BuzzFeed, The Rumpus, Lit Hub, The Week, and Elle.com*
Fifteen brilliant writers explore what we don’t talk to our mothers about, and how it affects us, for better or for worse.
As an undergraduate, Michele Filgate started writing an essay about being abused by her stepfather. It took her more than a decade to realize what she was actually trying to write: how this affected her relationship with her mother. When it was finally published, the essay went viral, shared on social media by Anne Lamott, Rebecca Solnit, and many others. The outpouring of responses gave Filgate an idea, and the resulting anthology offers a candid look at our relationships with our mothers.
While some of the writers in this book are estranged from their mothers, others are extremely close. Leslie Jamison writes about trying to discover who her seemingly perfect mother was before ever becoming a mom. In Cathi Hanauer’s hilarious piece, she finally gets a chance to have a conversation with her mother that isn’t interrupted by her domineering (but lovable) father. André Aciman writes about what it was like to have a deaf mother. Melissa Febos uses mythology as a lens to look at her close-knit relationship with her psychotherapist mother. And Julianna Baggott talks about having a mom who tells her everything.
As Filgate writes, “Our mothers are our first homes, and that’s why we’re always trying to return to them.” There’s relief in breaking the silence. Acknowledging what we couldn’t say for so long is one way to heal our relationships with others and, perhaps most important, with ourselves.
Contributors include Cathi Hanauer, Melissa Febos, Alexander Chee, Dylan Landis, Bernice L. McFadden, Julianna Baggott, Lynn Steger Strong, Kiese Laymon, Carmen Maria Machado, André Aciman, Sari Botton, Nayomi Munaweera, Brandon Taylor, and Leslie Jamison.
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Community Reviews
❀ Each story written by various writers was fascinating, heartfelt, and just so meaningful to read. All was so well put together, delivery was just right and each tone that the writers had was perfect. Now even though I enjoyed each story written in the book there were some that felt quite off (?), such as it really didn’t fit in, out of place I must say.
✿ Immediately after reading the introduction, I was already teary-eyed and thought about my relationship with my mother. My mother and I’s relationships were neither good nor bad. It is there, it exists, it is the type of relationship where I know that I can trust her with my secrets, fears, worries, etc.; it is the type of relationship I know she will always be there for me and love me. As I for her.
However, even though I know all that, I do know that sometimes it is hard to get along with her. It is also impossible to see eye to eye with one another. During my lifetime, she has made some unbearable, questioning decisions. Some I can forgive her, while others I am working on.
Growing up, you see your mother as a role model, a superhero, someone to look up to, never seeing her wrongdoings behind rose-colored glasses cause she’s your mother, she cannot do any wrong in her child's eyes. But then you start growing up, those rose-colored glasses slowly coming off, teenage adolescence taking over, and you start seeing your mother's faults and wrongdoings. You start forming your own opinion about your mother, sometimes good, sometimes bad, but the majority of the time it is black and white. This is the woman who loves and cares for you, and who will do anything for you. However, even though she may do all that, she is also the person that makes you cry, who makes you question yourself, and who makes you so angry that you need to walk away and recollect.
Now, even with all her wrongdoings, I am still reminded that she is my mother and I am her daughter, who has faults as do I, and we are both cut from the same cloth, yet so different. I love her and she loves me.
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