The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking
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The power of negative thinking – right up my alley!
Oliver Burkeman has turned all those peppy motivational “think positive!” slogans on their head in this book that had me alternately chuckling and sobbing.
The book opens with the author attending a Get Motivated! seminar in Texas, armed with a healthy dose of skepticism. “The man who claims that he is about to tell me the secret of human happiness is eighty-three years old, with an alarming orange tan that does nothing to enhance his credibility.” I love this guy already. And this is under the chapter entitled On Trying Too Hard to be Happy. He explores ironic process theory, which is the idea that the more you try to suppress (negative, for example) thoughts, the more you focus on them and the harder it is to suppress them and the vicious cycle you start riding. Better to confront reality.
Which brings us to Stoicism and Buddhism, which both focus on turning towards the negative emotions and examining them closely instead of shunning them, and cultivating a calm indifference to one’s circumstances, in order to achieve a state of tranquility.
He also explores the idea of vulnerability and embracing insecurity (and failure). There was one C.S. Lewis quote that resonated:
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
One of the more striking sections for me was the one dealing with memento mori – remember you are going to die. Yes, we've all heard what by now are platitudes: “Live each day to the fullest!” “Live each day as if it were your last!” But he studies this idea more deeply and thoughtfully. It's not about ratcheting up the intensity with which you live but altering your relationship to life, shifting the focus from “how things are” to “things are” (borrowing from Heidegger) – “on the sheer astonishing is-ness of existence.”
He concludes by saying, “The negative path to happiness, then, is a different kind of path. But it is also a path to a different kind of destination. Or maybe it makes more sense to say that the path is the destination? These things are excruciatingly hard to put into words, and the spirit of negative capability surely dictates that we do not struggle too hard to do so. ‘A good traveler has no fixed plans,’ says the Chinese sage Lao Tzu, ‘and is not intent upon arriving.’ There could be no better way to make the journey.” I agree. Now let's see if I can put any of this into action...
Oliver Burkeman has turned all those peppy motivational “think positive!” slogans on their head in this book that had me alternately chuckling and sobbing.
The book opens with the author attending a Get Motivated! seminar in Texas, armed with a healthy dose of skepticism. “The man who claims that he is about to tell me the secret of human happiness is eighty-three years old, with an alarming orange tan that does nothing to enhance his credibility.” I love this guy already. And this is under the chapter entitled On Trying Too Hard to be Happy. He explores ironic process theory, which is the idea that the more you try to suppress (negative, for example) thoughts, the more you focus on them and the harder it is to suppress them and the vicious cycle you start riding. Better to confront reality.
Which brings us to Stoicism and Buddhism, which both focus on turning towards the negative emotions and examining them closely instead of shunning them, and cultivating a calm indifference to one’s circumstances, in order to achieve a state of tranquility.
He also explores the idea of vulnerability and embracing insecurity (and failure). There was one C.S. Lewis quote that resonated:
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
One of the more striking sections for me was the one dealing with memento mori – remember you are going to die. Yes, we've all heard what by now are platitudes: “Live each day to the fullest!” “Live each day as if it were your last!” But he studies this idea more deeply and thoughtfully. It's not about ratcheting up the intensity with which you live but altering your relationship to life, shifting the focus from “how things are” to “things are” (borrowing from Heidegger) – “on the sheer astonishing is-ness of existence.”
He concludes by saying, “The negative path to happiness, then, is a different kind of path. But it is also a path to a different kind of destination. Or maybe it makes more sense to say that the path is the destination? These things are excruciatingly hard to put into words, and the spirit of negative capability surely dictates that we do not struggle too hard to do so. ‘A good traveler has no fixed plans,’ says the Chinese sage Lao Tzu, ‘and is not intent upon arriving.’ There could be no better way to make the journey.” I agree. Now let's see if I can put any of this into action...
This is a genuinely good read, actually.
Took off a point because it got a bit repetitive and rambly at times. It's like the Stoïcism handbook for beginners. A good breakdown of Stoïcism, perfect for newbies, like "Stoïcism for Dummies"
Had moments where I was like, "Why's he going on with this long-winded story?"
Took off a point because it got a bit repetitive and rambly at times. It's like the Stoïcism handbook for beginners. A good breakdown of Stoïcism, perfect for newbies, like "Stoïcism for Dummies"
Had moments where I was like, "Why's he going on with this long-winded story?"
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