Know My Name: A Memoir

“I believe out of the millions who knew I was brave and important, I was the last to know it.”

Why’d I think it was amazing? 👍 What a powerful telling of SA from a brilliantly articulate, strong, and courageous woman. There are so many passages I flagged while reading the second half of her story, and I think everyone should read her Victim Impact Statement. The negatives? 👎 Though it was a very impactful read, the chapters were long and certain parts could have been cut down Favorite quote? 💬 Do I have to pick just one? “Since no photos of me were published, a silhouette of a girl looking out a window, a teardrop on a cheek, duct tape over her mouth. All was accurate, in terms of the solitude, the silencing. But the incredible thing is that a victim is also the smiling girl in a green apron making your coffee, she just handed you your change. She just taught a class of first-graders. She has her headphones in, tapping her foot on the subway. Victims are all around you” (Miller 252).

As a rape survivor this book was so so hard to read not because it wasn't stunningly good because it truly was amazing, but because of so many triggering I encountered reading it. Since I pre-ordered and got the book (with the author's hand-written note in it :)) until I finished it today, took three years. But I feel like I owe it to Miller to know her name, to read her story, because I get it, her pain is my pain too, and her triumph is also mine (even if my rapist never even have to face a trial).

This book is so much more then what you think you know from the media. Yes, it's about a convicted rapist Brock Allen Turner who only served 3 months in jail. So many things in this book about how broken our judicial system, our victim blaming society & media, and how they treat rape survivors... will make your blood boil over with anger. To use Miller's words "If you are hoping that one of my organs will implode from anger and I will die, I’m almost there." But this book is also about a survival triumphant story, about unconditional love, about being Chinese American with rich culture background, about the world rallying behind "Emily Doe" when they read her impactful statement, about 12 jurors saw right through the smoke & mirrors (no matter how highly-paid the lawyers & experts, or how truly dimwits & meaningless their questions to Miller were, how Brock lied that he asked, she said yes... yes, to be fingered behind the dumpster) they convicted Brock for exactly who he is, a rapist... All of these things are worth celebrating and I'm truly glad no matter how hard I sobbed I stayed with her, and followed her journey all the way to the end.

And everyone, everyone especially boys, men, fathers & mothers of those boys and men must read this book. For far too long, the heavy burden of protecting ourselves, keeping ourselves and each other safe lay on women, while it should be the other way around! Women are exhausted to be the ones waving hands, jumping up and down and screaming into the void "PLS DON'T RAPE US!" Teach boys and men NOT to rape! It is that simple. If only society had spent more time teaching boys & men that: Consent cannot be given by anyone who is underage, intoxicated or incapacitated by drugs or alcohol, or asleep or unconscious. So yeah do NOT get a girl drunk ever just so she'll have sex with you, that's rape! If she's too drunk to consent, that is NOT an opportunity to rape her! INSTEAD take care of her! Make sure you find her friends/family and get her somewhere safe! If it's not all enthusiast all excited "YES, let's have sex" then it's not consent. How hard is it to teach boys and men this? Boys, men and all the people who would like to raise a non-rapist should read this book.

“Now, should we treat women as independent agents, responsible for themselves? Of course. But being responsible has nothing to do with being raped. Women don’t get raped because they were drinking or took drugs. Women do not get raped because they weren’t careful enough. Women get raped because someone raped them.”
― Jessica Valenti, The Purity Myth: How America's Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women

Extremely powerful memoir - probably the best I’ve ever read. So happy she’s been able to bring so much hope to so many women (not to make light of the trauma).

Should be required reading for all college students.

This is Chanel Miller's powerful and personal story about the night she was at a party with Brock Turner and the aftermath she endured afterwards. I listened to the audiobook because it's narrated by her. That's how I recommend this story, listening to her tell it. This is an unbearable story that needs to be heard.