It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand

As seen in THE NEW YORK TIMES - READER'S DIGEST - SPIRITUALITY & HEALTH - HUFFPOST

Featured on NPR's RADIO TIMES and WISCONSIN PUBLIC RADIO

When a painful loss or life-shattering event upends your world, here is the first thing to know: there is nothing wrong with grief. "Grief is simply love in its most wild and painful form," says Megan Devine. "It is a natural and sane response to loss."

So, why does our culture treat grief like a disease to be cured as quickly as possible?

In It's OK That You're Not OK, Megan Devine offers a profound new approach to both the experience of grief and the way we try to help others who have endured tragedy. Having experienced grief from both sides--as both a therapist and as a woman who witnessed the accidental drowning of her beloved partner--Megan writes with deep insight about the unspoken truths of loss, love, and healing. She debunks the culturally prescribed goal of returning to a normal, "happy" life, replacing it with a far healthier middle path, one that invites us to build a life alongside grief rather than seeking to overcome it. In this compelling and heartful book, you'll learn:

- Why well-meaning advice, therapy, and spiritual wisdom so often end up making it harder for people in grief
- How challenging the myths of grief--doing away with stages, timetables, and unrealistic ideals about how grief should unfold--allows us to accept grief as a mystery to be honored instead of a problem to solve
- Practical guidance for managing stress, improving sleep, and decreasing anxiety without trying to "fix" your pain
- How to help the people you love--with essays to teach us the best skills, checklists, and suggestions for supporting and comforting others through the grieving process

Many people who have suffered a loss feel judged, dismissed, and misunderstood by a culture that wants to "solve" grief. Megan writes, "Grief no more needs a solution than love needs a solution." Through stories, research, life tips, and creative and mindfulness-based practices, she offers a unique guide through an experience we all must face--in our personal lives, in the lives of those we love, and in the wider world.

It's OK That You're Not OK is a book for grieving people, those who love them, and all those seeking to love themselves--and each other--better.

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282 pages

Average rating: 8.73

15 RATINGS

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We pair fiction and non-fiction each month to use stories and wisdom to support connection and meaning-making while living with loss and grief.

Community Reviews

adjweaver
Apr 29, 2025
10/10 stars
This book really helps to show it's ok to give yourself that time to overcome. That you don't have to have all the answers. Nor do you have to just get over what your going through. Perfectly normal for you to take the time needed.
sierracreads
Dec 12, 2024
10/10 stars
This book helped me in ways I wasn’t expecting. I knew I have a weird relationship with grief and this book both helped me unpack that and get a better grasp on my day to day anxieties that I didn’t realize were related. I think this book could do everyone some good
E Clou
May 10, 2023
8/10 stars
I remember feeling a lot of these emotions at the beginning of my grief but ... it did improve over time even if I didn't necessarily want it to. Also, I do think my initial grief transitioned into a depression where I perceived other things incorrectly and she doesn't seem to address that at all. I bring up these issues because I'm trying to decide whether to share this book with a friend that has experienced a recent loss or if it's too heavy and maybe not fully helpful in its perspective. Though I borrowed it from the library and will buy a copy for myself so I obviously feel it does have great value.
lvillarreal
Mar 08, 2023
10/10 stars
This was an EXCELLENT and very affirming book.
Lisa's Legacy
Jan 12, 2022
10/10 stars
By far the best book I have read since being thrust into the "After-Place" and forced to walk a journey of grief. I am now gifting this to other grievers in lieu of flowers because the information in this book is what can really help a person navigate their experience. Anyone who knows someone who suffers a loss needs to read this book before uttering the phrase "I'm sorry for your loss"

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