Hijab Butch Blues: A Memoir
A queer hijabi Muslim immigrant survives her coming-of-age by drawing strength and hope from stories in the Quran in this “raw and relatable memoir that challenges societal norms and expectations” (Linah Mohammad, NPR).
“A masterful, must-read contribution to conversations on power, justice, healing, and devotion from a singular voice I now trust with my whole heart.”—Glennon Doyle, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Untamed
THEM’S HONOREE IN LITERATURE • AN AUDACIOUS BOOK CLUB PICK • WINNER: The Brooklyn Public Library Book Prize, the Stonewall Book Award, the Israel Fishman Nonfiction Award • Lambda Literary Award Finalist
A BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR: NPR, Autostraddle, Book Riot, BookPage, Harper’s Bazaar, Electric Lit, She Reads
When fourteen-year-old Lamya H realizes she has a crush on her teacher—her female teacher—she covers up her attraction, an attraction she can’t yet name, by playing up her roles as overachiever and class clown. Born in South Asia, she moved to the Middle East at a young age and has spent years feeling out of place, like her own desires and dreams don’t matter, and it’s easier to hide in plain sight. To disappear. But one day in Quran class, she reads a passage about Maryam that changes everything: When Maryam learned that she was pregnant, she insisted no man had touched her. Could Maryam, uninterested in men, be . . . like Lamya?
From that moment on, Lamya makes sense of her struggles and triumphs by comparing her experiences with some of the most famous stories in the Quran. She juxtaposes her coming out with Musa liberating his people from the pharoah; asks if Allah, who is neither male nor female, might instead be nonbinary; and, drawing on the faith and hope Nuh needed to construct his ark, begins to build a life of her own—ultimately finding that the answer to her lifelong quest for community and belonging lies in owning her identity as a queer, devout Muslim immigrant.
This searingly intimate memoir in essays, spanning Lamya’s childhood to her arrival in the United States for college through early-adult life in New York City, tells a universal story of courage, trust, and love, celebrating what it means to be a seeker and an architect of one’s own life.
“A masterful, must-read contribution to conversations on power, justice, healing, and devotion from a singular voice I now trust with my whole heart.”—Glennon Doyle, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Untamed
THEM’S HONOREE IN LITERATURE • AN AUDACIOUS BOOK CLUB PICK • WINNER: The Brooklyn Public Library Book Prize, the Stonewall Book Award, the Israel Fishman Nonfiction Award • Lambda Literary Award Finalist
A BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR: NPR, Autostraddle, Book Riot, BookPage, Harper’s Bazaar, Electric Lit, She Reads
When fourteen-year-old Lamya H realizes she has a crush on her teacher—her female teacher—she covers up her attraction, an attraction she can’t yet name, by playing up her roles as overachiever and class clown. Born in South Asia, she moved to the Middle East at a young age and has spent years feeling out of place, like her own desires and dreams don’t matter, and it’s easier to hide in plain sight. To disappear. But one day in Quran class, she reads a passage about Maryam that changes everything: When Maryam learned that she was pregnant, she insisted no man had touched her. Could Maryam, uninterested in men, be . . . like Lamya?
From that moment on, Lamya makes sense of her struggles and triumphs by comparing her experiences with some of the most famous stories in the Quran. She juxtaposes her coming out with Musa liberating his people from the pharoah; asks if Allah, who is neither male nor female, might instead be nonbinary; and, drawing on the faith and hope Nuh needed to construct his ark, begins to build a life of her own—ultimately finding that the answer to her lifelong quest for community and belonging lies in owning her identity as a queer, devout Muslim immigrant.
This searingly intimate memoir in essays, spanning Lamya’s childhood to her arrival in the United States for college through early-adult life in New York City, tells a universal story of courage, trust, and love, celebrating what it means to be a seeker and an architect of one’s own life.
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Community Reviews
I'm shocked in the best way possible.
Here is a book that will remain near and dear to me for the rest of my life for a variety of reasons. You don't need to be a gender-nonconforming, queer Muslim immigrant to relate to the feelings, thoughts, and experiences that Lamya H shares in their memoir - they're beautifully and heartbreakingly universal.
This book is set up in sections, each containing vignettes of their life interwoven with stories from the Quran. They're detailed, matter-of-fact, and vulnerable. I can't tell you how indescribably healing I found it to be and struggled with putting the book down.
Lamya H may use a pseudonym but everything they share in their writing is completely laid bare. I felt so seen reading this and had to suppress many screams of overwhelming validation throughout. This is a book I will recommend forever to anyone who I think would relate or benefit from reading if just to feel less alone in the world. It's a gorgeous gem of a memoir and I'm so grateful it made its way to me eventually.
Here is a book that will remain near and dear to me for the rest of my life for a variety of reasons. You don't need to be a gender-nonconforming, queer Muslim immigrant to relate to the feelings, thoughts, and experiences that Lamya H shares in their memoir - they're beautifully and heartbreakingly universal.
This book is set up in sections, each containing vignettes of their life interwoven with stories from the Quran. They're detailed, matter-of-fact, and vulnerable. I can't tell you how indescribably healing I found it to be and struggled with putting the book down.
Lamya H may use a pseudonym but everything they share in their writing is completely laid bare. I felt so seen reading this and had to suppress many screams of overwhelming validation throughout. This is a book I will recommend forever to anyone who I think would relate or benefit from reading if just to feel less alone in the world. It's a gorgeous gem of a memoir and I'm so grateful it made its way to me eventually.
The subtitle "A Memoir" is somewhat misleading. The book conceals more than it reveals. I appreciate the author's valiant effort "to queer the Quran," i.e., provide alternative interpretations to the stories contained in the canonic Islamic text. That alone would have been a great contribution. However, the author writes under a pseudonym and takes great care to withhold all facts that would inform the reader about her / their personal identity. I understand it's done for self-protection, but it left me somewhat dissatisfied.
I thought this was a courageous effort to connect the author's own queerness to the teachings of the Quran. I personally had no idea that so many of the same stories in the Quran are the same ones as in the Bible, both Old and New Testaments. The Arabic names of the characters are equivalent to the Hebrew names. I appreciate that the author still holds onto her Muslim faith as she grapples with her own sexual identity as a lesbian.
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