Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind?and Keep?Love

I perceive the information contained within Attached... as valuable beyond the subtitle's suggestion of being beneficial for being part of a couple. There was much "general" information I consider helpful for anyone wanting to understand themselves and AN aspect of their "wiring".

I appreciate the presentation and setting the foundation for understanding what IS attachment theory; straightforward with not a cumbersome amount of detail to sift through. Easy-peasy. Additionally, I appreciate the clarity and examples with which each attachment style are described: anxious, avoidant, and secure. I also appreciate the explanations and examples of each style within relationship with other attachment styles. I found the succinctness and clarity related to (essentially tips for) "effective communication" and "resolving conflict" relatable, and thus easy to employ if/as necessary.

What I may *not* have enjoyed/appreciated was discovering insights as to why I've functioned and communicated over the years as I have. I've done a bang up job with my anxious attachment style turning to my "Activating Strategies" and "Protest Behavior". OUCH! It's hard to face one's "defects" - ineffective coping strategies.

POSSIBLY my favorite sentence in the entire book: our connection with our pets is an excellent example of a secure presence in our lives...we stick by them no matter what

I think about this book SO often- it really changed my perspective on interacting with others in general. It gives such important context to human behavior and helps readers advocate for what they deserve within relationships. Knowledge is power, and this book has a wealth of knowledge!

I’ve got my work cut out for me, don’t I?

It’s a simpler guide than an in depth one, I think. It doesn’t really give you tips for how to deal with the reactions and move into the calm state where you can more effectively communicate, especially when the triggers are in response to someone else’s. Ultimately the book is all about dropping the unsatisfying and finding securely attached people. Communicate your needs. Notice when you’re deactivated/using protest behaviour. Leave if your attempts at both of those don’t help. I feel more validated knowing I did my best in previous relationships, both in how long it took to leave and in leaving at all. You just try to do better next time.

This book is amazing. It's the love handbook the world has been waiting for, and I can't speak too highly of it. Also, I suspect that the only reason it doesn't have 5 stars is because it confronts a lot of people with a lot of truths they don't want to face about themselves or their relationships.