The Shift

“Dating is not a means to an end. The goal of dating is not to end up in a relationship. The goal is to know yourself, completely.” –Tinx

Think about your past relationships, romantic or platonic. What did you learn about yourself through being with the other person? What would you never do again? What has become a nonnegotiable? Why?

THE SHIFT: I really want to find someone → I know I will.

“Act as though your dream life is on the horizon and you’ve got to make the most of what’s in front of you today.”–Tinx 

What would you do with your life NOW if you knew that you’re going to meet your person in a year? What risks would you take? How would you feel?

1. Use this as inspiration to create a vision board or journal using Canva, Pinterest, or the old-fashioned way of cut-out magazines.

THE SHIFT: What’s the point of going on all these useless dates? → It’s all data collection, baby. 

Describe your worst date. Why was it so bad? What would you have done differently? What would have wanted them to do differently? What did you learn? Now describe your best date. What did you learn? Why was it so memorable? 

1. Enhance your night! At the party, hand out index cards for guests to vaguely describe their worst and/or best dates. See if you can correctly guess one another’s dates!

THE SHIFT: But we could have been so great together → I’m sorry for his loss; may he rest in peace

Who last ghosted you, and why are you glad they did? Do you think ghosting is ever justified? Why is it so prevalent in modern dating culture, and how can we get out of the habit? 

1. How is your life better without the ghosters? Did you Reverse Box Theory them?
2. Hold a funeral! Wear all black, burn their printed-out picture or a note to them (do this safely!), scatter or bury the ashes. Toast. Cry. Celebrate.

THE SHIFT: How does he feel about me? → How does he make me feel?

Discuss Box Theory. Can you apply it to your past relationships? To current ones? What about Reverse Box Theory? Have you ever Reverse Box Theory’d a relationship? How did it turn out?

1. You’ll be actively applying this to whatever movie or TV show you watch later, so keep it in mind!

THE SHIFT: Talking will lead to more, and we’re on the way to a relationship! → Without in-person plans, we’re on the road to nowhere. 

“Instead ofspending so much effort on texting, go and do something that makes you feel good.Come up with a list.” –Tinx 

Take a look at Tinx’s timeline for dating on page TK. Does this align with how you want the early stages of your relationship to go? What do you think of the rule to not go on the date if he doesn’t confirm by 1pm day of?

1. Have you ever gone beyond this timeline? How did it turn out? Was it worth it to wait weeks, months, years before you actually met up in person?
2. Create a list of activities (hot bath, good book, movie and wine) to look forward to if a date falls through.

THE SHIFT: What am I working towards? → What’s a project I can do just for fun? 

“I suggest you take on a silly little project. Maybe it’s creating a gallery wall in your hallway. Maybe it’s refreshing your Spotify playlists. Let yourself get completely immersed in it and you’ll reunite with that kid who wasted hours upon hours in their room, creating magic.” –Tinx

What’s a list of things to do instead of staring at your phone, waiting for him to message or call? Create a shared Note with your friends and start a list of activities, projects, or goals to do. Get creative! Make it seasonal! 

1. Take this to the next level! Find a painting class, go to a local art exhibit, hit up that new restaurant, stream a silly movie—have an active list of things to do with your girlfriends (all the things you know the guys wouldn’t be interested in—now’s the time to do them!).

THE SHIFT: I’m unhappy now but afraid to be alone → What’s the story I’d want to tell about my life? 

“Breakups are hard but purgatory is soul-crushing.” –Tinx

Think about your day today. What if you woke up every morning and had to live the exact same day for the rest of your life? What would you do differently? What would you want to change? Imagine yourself at 60, 70, 80, 90+ years old. What do you want to be proud of at that point in your life? 

1. Script out the next 5, 10, 20+ years of your life. Start in the distant future and work your way backwards. What are the absolute non-negotiables? What are some things you’d like to accomplish? What are the best-case scenarios? Play it out as if everything works out. (Manifestation is real!)