I Never Thought of It That Way

Mónica believes that curiosity can save us from our dangerous divides. Do you think that’s possible? Why or why not?

Mónica suggests that no politician, group, or institution can bridge us the way that 1-on-1 relationships will. What do you think?

Do you think people with more power and privilege have greater responsibility to take the initiative to have more curious conversations?

How do you see other people successfully bridging divides in their own lives? What can we all learn from them?

What do you hope for both yourself, your relationships, and the world after reading I Never Thought of It That Way?

What one step can you take today to help you have more conversations that make you say “I never thought of it that way”?

What led you to read I Never Thought of It That Way?

What was your attitude toward having hard conversations before reading I Never Thought of It That Way? What about after?

Was there a story from the book that made a particular impact on you?

Did you learn anything about yourself from the book? If so, what?

What is the most helpful tip or trick you took away from the book? Have you used it recently?

Was there anything you felt challenged by? Or disagreed with? Discuss why.

Has reading the book changed your opinion of a certain person or topic?

What do you think are your biggest barriers to being more curious?

What’s one thing you can do this week to be more curious?

Mónica describes “I never thought of it that way” or INTOIT moments as signals that “a new insight has spanned the distance between someone else’s perspective and your own.” Talk about a recent time when you experienced an INTOIT moment.

Have you ever changed your own mind because of an INTOIT moment?

What are some challenges with having a conversation with a person who holds a different belief than you? What are you most afraid of when having challenging conversations?

What is the most difficult part of rejecting an “us vs. them” or an “othering” mentality?

How can we see humanity in others, especially those who are different than us?

Talk about a time you made an incorrect assumption about someone else. How did your perception of that person change when you learned the truth?

Is there someone specific in your life who you disagree with and would like to get more curious with? What do you hope happens as a result? What would support you in having it? Discussion Guide

Is there a time where you’ve considered ending a friendship or relationship because you had opposing political views? What did you do?

What are ways you can balance making yourself feel heard without arguing or skirting around issues that are important to you?

If you’re silo-ed and you don’t have many connections with “the other side,” why do you think that is?

What are examples of SOS you have experienced?

Mónica talks about building traction using four specific conversation skills—Listen For, Observe, Offer, and Pull—in order to continue having fruitful conversations, which one would be the easiest for you? Which one would be the hardest?

When are times you would stop a conversation? Any time you’d “lean out,” instead of leaning in? Is there such thing as a “bad” curious conversation?

The internet is sometimes toxic. How can we have curious, productive conversations online specifically?

Have you tried (or would you try) any of the strategies described in the book to have conversations with people in your life? If so, how did the conversations go?