This Is How It Always Is: A Novel

I laughed, cried, and really, really thought. This book brought so many wonderful questions to my mind about the state of life in general. I would recommend it for anyone.

A beautiful story.

This book clearly (and not so clearly, in its own way) described what it’s like to be “in the middle”. Other. Not quite fitting in box A or B and there’s no other option. It’s a reminder that sometimes, family is all you have, and sometimes, people you think you can trust will betray you. But that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. You can always adjust, pivot, and continue building your path, whatever that may look like.

While this subject was important and interesting, I had so many grievances while reading and would not recommend this book. Her writing style is very aggravating - very long for no compelling reason. Her dialogue for characters is very unrealistic, especially the dialogue written for the young characters. The dialogue is far too sophisticated and convenient. Conversations between Rosie and Penn felt like lectures - I pictured two people in a room discussing very sensitive and emotional topics and just taking turns listening to each other say well thought out and educated points (so unrealistic) - no interruptions or back and forth - just paragraphs and sometimes page after page of dialogue from one character. There was not enough conflict and any pieces of conflict felt contrived in order to flush out certain plot points. I was not a fan of the tool of the fairy-tale of Grumwald and Princess Stephanie - it's unrealistic to think that teenagers would listen to this story night after night, not just because of it's unexciting/random content, but also because teenage boys don't want to sit and listen to a fairy-tale...at all... Details like these take me out of the story and make me very aware of the author's presence. Of course the topic was enlightening to read about and I appreciate what the author was trying to do, but the structure was on a amateur level. I basically skimmed everything in Thailand - most of it is just so unnecessary despite the goal of that entire plot point.

This is a beautiful story. It goes something like this: First, there was Claude. But Claude felt that being a boy wasn't quite right. So around the start of kindergarten, Claude started wearing dresses. Sometimes this was a big deal (for other people), sometimes it wasn't. Claude (and Claude's parents) were just figuring it out as they went along (with the help of a very quirky (in the best way) guru cum therapist). Not long after, Claude became Poppy, and later, the family decided that it was best if no-one knew that Poppy was ever anything but. Secrets are hard to keep, though, and Frankel doesn't pull her punches on the consequences.

I can't speak to how well Frankel gets inside the head of a young child struggling to figure out whether they are boy, girl, both, or neither, or the head of the parents who only want to love and support that child (although that was easier for me). What I can say is that Frankel's portrayal of Poppy and Poppy's parents, siblings, and grandmother is nuanced and both heartwrenching and heartwarming. This book made me laugh and cry and everything in between.

PS. I actually listened to this book, and I highly recommend the audio version. Gabra Zackman, the narrator does an amazing job giving life to the voice of each character.