This Is How It Always Is: A Novel

New York Times Bestseller
The Reese Witherspoon x Hello Sunshine Book Club Pick

“Every once in a while, I read a book that opens my eyes in a way I never expected.”
—Reese Witherspoon (Reese’s Book Club x Hello Sunshine book pick)

People Magazine’s Top 10 Books of 2017
Bustle’s 17 Books Every Woman Should Read From 2017
PopSugar’s Our Favorite Books of the Year (So Far)
Refinery29's Best Books of the Year So Far
BookBrowse’s The 20 Best Books of 2017

Pacific Northwest Book Awards Finalist
The Globe and Mail's Top 100 Books of 2017
Longlisted for 2019 International DUBLIN Literary Award

“It made me laugh, it made me cry, it made me think.” —Liane Moriarty, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Big Little Lies


This is how
a family keeps a secret…and how that secret ends up keeping them.

This is how a family lives happily ever after…until happily ever after becomes complicated.

This is how children change…and then change the world.

This is Claude. He’s five years old, the youngest of five brothers, and loves peanut butter sandwiches. He also loves wearing a dress, and dreams of being a princess.

When he grows up, Claude says, he wants to be a girl.

Rosie and Penn want Claude to be whoever Claude wants to be. They’re just not sure they’re ready to share that with the world. Soon the entire family is keeping Claude’s secret. Until one day it explodes.

Laurie Frankel's This Is How It Always Is is a novel about revelations, transformations, fairy tales, and family. And it’s about the ways this is how it always is: Change is always hard and miraculous and hard again, parenting is always a leap into the unknown with crossed fingers and full hearts, children grow but not always according to plan. And families with secrets don’t get to keep them forever.

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Published Jan 23, 2018

336 pages

Average rating: 7.96

690 RATINGS

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Portland Literary Fiction Book Club

This is a monthly virtual book club with periodic in person meetups. We generally read contemporary literary fiction from the past 5-10 years.

Community Reviews

What Bookclubbers are saying about this book

✨ Summarized by Bookclubs AI

Readers say *This Is How It Always Is* is a heartfelt, honest, and beautifully written story about a family raising a transgender child. Many praise i...

SuzyQ
Aug 11, 2025
NY BOOKCLUB 2025
KikiStoneCreek
Jun 03, 2023
8/10 stars
The Book gets too much into the mother's work near the end, which totally eludes the main focus--Poppy.
Dale Wilde
May 12, 2020
October 2019 selection
Mary Pat Holt
Feb 05, 2026
8/10 stars
This is an older book, and I am so glad I finally read it. It is a difficult subject to write about, a family with a transgender child, but it is so well written with lots of honesty, grace, humor and most of all, love.
Claude is the youngest of 5 boys. He loves PB sandwiches, but he also loves wearing dresses and dreams of being a princess. His parents, Rosie and Penn, want Claude to be whoever he wants to be. They don't actually encourage him to dress/act like a girl...they also don't tell him to stop "pretending". They love Claude no matter what but just aren't sure how to share with others, so they keep it a secret. They move from Madison, WI to Seattle for a more open and accepting environment. Soon the whole family is keeping the secret until one day, it blows up.
The book is so well written. It made me think, laugh (the older boys are typical boys and very funny!), and made me feel empathy for Claude/Poppy. It is written in 4 parts, each part after a significant event. Rosie is a doctor, and her insights are very medical based while Penn is a writer and his story within the story is a beautiful way to explain how everyone just wants to be accepted.
The author notes at the end are worth reading! This would make a great book club discussion.
Bosky
Dec 30, 2025
8/10 stars
Had a hard time reading this book, so switched to audio. Boy was I hooked! Loved the story of Rosie and Penn and family of 5. Each of the kids are unique in their own way. A beautifully crafted story! Loved Penn's ongoing bed time story. Wonderful.

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