The Way I Used to Be
New York Times bestseller! In the tradition of Speak, Amber Smith's extraordinary debut novel "is a heart-twisting, but ultimately hopeful, exploration of how pain can lead to strength" (The Boston Globe). Eden was always good at being good. Starting high school didn't change who she was. But the night her brother's best friend rapes her, Eden's world capsizes. What was once simple, is now complex. What Eden once loved--who she once loved--she now hates. What she thought she knew to be true, is now lies. Nothing makes sense anymore, and she knows she's supposed to tell someone what happened but she can't. So she buries it instead. And she buries the way she used to be. Told in four parts--freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior year--this provocative debut reveals the deep cuts of trauma. But it also demonstrates one young woman's strength as she navigates the disappointment and unbearable pains of adolescence, of first love and first heartbreak, of friendships broken and rebuilt, all while learning to embrace the power of survival she never knew she had hidden within her heart.
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Community Reviews
This book was incredibly emotional. I wanted to jump into the story and help the main characterâI even cried a few times while reading. The trauma she endured was unimaginable, and it made me realize the importance of encouraging my own kids to speak up. Itâs a powerful and heartbreaking story, and I highly recommend it.
I just finished and give this one an 8/10. I overall enjoyed it and I think itâs a very important book that SA survivors should read. I also think itâs a book that those who love and are support systems of survivors of SA should read as it may help them to understand fully the trauma and how it literally affects every emotion and every relationship. I felt like there could have been less language used, but also understand how victims sometimes just need to unleash with their words- been there myself. I do wish that Eden would have reached out for help sooner before she allowed it to change her and her life and relationships so drastically. 3 years is a LONG time to hold that secret to herself. I canât even imagine the inner turmoil. Bless her heart. As an SA survivor myself, I understand how hard it is to open up. How scary it is to be so vulnerable. I almost didnât tell anyone, but after 2 days of trying to hide it and deal with it alone, I couldnât take it anymore and HAD to reach out for help and support. I was drowning in my own thoughts and hurt and anger. Knowing how hard it was to go 2 days of living such trauma alone, I simply cannot imagine carrying that weight for 3 years like Eden, the main character here, did. It certainly explains the huge change in her, it was the only way she knew how to cope and she didnât have any other âtoolsâ to get her through.
I beg you, if you are an SA survivor and need support, please reach out to someone. Donât let it destroy you and your life. There are people that can help. While the pain never fully goes away and the trauma stays with you for life, having a support system and learning tools and having resources can help. There is always SOMEONE who cares. Even if it takes awhile to find your safe person, as happened to Eden in this book, I promise you there are people who will believe you, take you under their wing, and help you through. đ Donât suffer alone and donât suffer in silence. â€ïžâđ©č
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