The Way I Used to Be

New York Times bestseller! In the tradition of Speak, Amber Smith's extraordinary debut novel “is a heart-twisting, but ultimately hopeful, exploration of how pain can lead to strength” (The Boston Globe).

Eden was always good at being good. Starting high school didn’t change who she was. But the night her brother’s best friend rapes her, Eden’s world capsizes.

What was once simple, is now complex. What Eden once loved—who she once loved—she now hates. What she thought she knew to be true, is now lies. Nothing makes sense anymore, and she knows she’s supposed to tell someone what happened but she can’t. So she buries it instead. And she buries the way she used to be.

Told in four parts—freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior year—this provocative debut reveals the deep cuts of trauma. But it also demonstrates one young woman’s strength as she navigates the disappointment and unbearable pains of adolescence, of first love and first heartbreak, of friendships broken and rebuilt, all while learning to embrace the power of survival she never knew she had hidden within her heart.

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383 pages

Average rating: 7.49

323 RATINGS

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Community Reviews

Hearts4mia
Mar 20, 2025
8/10 stars
This was a really good book. I think I was able to feel the way she was feeling, but there was a part in the end ending with Josh I think could’ve went very differently
Kellyo
Feb 22, 2025
7/10 stars
Sensitive subject matter. Sad story but was an ok ending
LadyTeaParty
Feb 03, 2025
8/10 stars
This book was incredibly emotional. I wanted to jump into the story and help the main character—I even cried a few times while reading. The trauma she endured was unimaginable, and it made me realize the importance of encouraging my own kids to speak up. It’s a powerful and heartbreaking story, and I highly recommend it.
Jessiicuhhhh
Jan 29, 2025
10/10 stars
This book is a 10/10! If you want a good cry go read it
Anonymous
Dec 11, 2024
10/10 stars
Very sad book that you should read for a good cry
but was defo worth the hypee

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