The Way I Used to Be

New York Times bestseller! In the tradition of Speak, Amber Smith's extraordinary debut novel “is a heart-twisting, but ultimately hopeful, exploration of how pain can lead to strength” (The Boston Globe).

Eden was always good at being good. Starting high school didn’t change who she was. But the night her brother’s best friend rapes her, Eden’s world capsizes.

What was once simple, is now complex. What Eden once loved—who she once loved—she now hates. What she thought she knew to be true, is now lies. Nothing makes sense anymore, and she knows she’s supposed to tell someone what happened but she can’t. So she buries it instead. And she buries the way she used to be.

Told in four parts—freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior year—this provocative debut reveals the deep cuts of trauma. But it also demonstrates one young woman’s strength as she navigates the disappointment and unbearable pains of adolescence, of first love and first heartbreak, of friendships broken and rebuilt, all while learning to embrace the power of survival she never knew she had hidden within her heart.

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Published Mar 7, 2017

400 pages

Average rating: 7.5

335 RATINGS

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Community Reviews

ajhughes19
Jun 11, 2023
9/10 stars
The Way I Used to Be ended up being a very traumatic story told extremely well from the mind of a teenager. It can definitely be considered a coming of age story but one with some major obstacles and experiences. Eden takes us on her journey through high school having been robbed of a right of passage and all pre-existing notions of safety and trust. The author does a fabulous job capturing her emotions and mindset in such a believable and relatable way you can't help but feel the anxieties and insecurities of the teenage narrator right along with her. Overall a quick and easy read with difficult and uncomfortable topic. My only complaint is that the ending wrapped up a little too neatly but I didn't need any more once the story concluded.
lexismith
Jun 02, 2025
9/10 stars
this was a really good book. i got attached to the characters and was really thinking of what i wanted them to do. it was a deep but good read
Leslimendozaaa
May 28, 2025
10/10 stars
Absolutely loved this book.
Hearts4mia
Mar 20, 2025
8/10 stars
This was a really good book. I think I was able to feel the way she was feeling, but there was a part in the end ending with Josh I think could’ve went very differently
Kellyo
Feb 22, 2025
7/10 stars
Sensitive subject matter. Sad story but was an ok ending

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