Spinster: Making a Life of One's Own

Were I just rating this book solely on my understanding of the author, I would have to give the book fewer stars. And if I were rating this book solely on the history provided within its pages, I would have to give it more stars. So instead, I settled on three stars and very mixed feelings as to how I felt about the book as a whole.

I found a hard time relating to Kate Bolick at all--especially as she described the relationships of her youth. Where she constantly felt the desire to be alone but was somehow always in these very serious relationships without, it seemed, much effort. Throughout the book, she all but boasted of her allure to men, her constant dating, and ultimately breaking the hearts and terminating relationships before it inevitably led to an actual marriage proposal. Her constant desire to be on her own, but not knowing how to survive outside of a relationship until her 30s, is a stark contrast to my own desire to be in a relationship, and having to do everything without the luxury of a relationship.

That being said, Kate Bolick knows how to describe what it means to be single perfectly. She put into words things that I have been wanting for years to do and yet have not been able to. (I would cite the passages, but as I listened to the book via Audible, I do not have them marked or even accessible at the moment.) Bolick is a talented writer and a brilliant wordsmith, and she should be commended for that, definitely.

My favorite thing about her book, however, is the study and description of what Bolick calls her "awakeners". Women who influenced her throughout her life. Women who pioneered their own versions of singleness. Feminists from the 1880s through the 1960s. Women who were fascinating and left their own works behind; their own words and ideas about marriage and womanhood, and society, and life. Their histories more than redeemed this book.

I think Bolick accomplished what she set out to do. She paints a picture where the word "Spinster" becomes a talisman; a way to reclaim self-sufficiency; learning to be alone in a fruitful and energizing way; women taking control of their futures and not being limited by their gender. She gives examples of examples of her own "Spinster wishes" and reflects as to which ones are possible, and which ones are just dreams. And she rightly allows that it is for each woman to decide what the word means to them whether single or coupled. So even though I don't relate to her as a person--her spinster wishes are so far from mine they would be on opposite sides of the solar system--I recognize that I may even have a few "spinster wishes" of my own.

Bolick writes about her "spinster wish" of making a life of her own and never marrying. But spinsterhood is more aspirational than real, as the book begins and ends with mentions of her boyfriend at the time. She is a solid writer and weaves in tales of her "five awakeners", women writers who remained (mostly) single, which buttresses what is otherwise an extended musing on single womanhood.