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Men Have Called Her Crazy: A Memoir
*NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER*
“This book is so many things I didn’t know I needed: a testament to the work of healing, a raw howl of anger, and an indictment of misogyny’s insipid, predictable, infuriating reign.” —Carmen Maria Machado, author of the National Book Award finalist Her Body and Other Parties and the Lambda Literary Award winner In the Dream House
A powerful memoir that reckons with mental health as well as the insidious ways men impact the lives of women.
In early 2021, popular artist Anna Marie Tendler checked herself into a psychiatric hospital following a year of crippling anxiety, depression, and self-harm. Over two weeks, she underwent myriad psychological tests, participated in numerous therapy sessions, connected with fellow patients and experienced profound breakthroughs, such as when a doctor noted, “There is a you inside that feels invisible to those looking at you from the outside.”
In Men Have Called Her Crazy, Tendler recounts her hospital experience as well as pivotal moments in her life that preceded and followed. As the title suggests, many of these moments are impacted by men: unrequited love in high school; the twenty-eight-year-old she lost her virginity to when she was sixteen; the frustrations and absurdities of dating in her mid-thirties; and her decision to freeze her eggs as all her friends were starting families.
This stunning literary self-portrait examines the unreasonable expectations and pressures women face in the 21st century. Yet overwhelming and despairing as that can feel, Tendler ultimately offers a message of hope. Early in her stay in the hospital, she says, “My wish for myself is that one day I’ll reach a place where I can face hardship without trying to destroy myself.” By the end of the book, she fulfills that wish.
“This book is so many things I didn’t know I needed: a testament to the work of healing, a raw howl of anger, and an indictment of misogyny’s insipid, predictable, infuriating reign.” —Carmen Maria Machado, author of the National Book Award finalist Her Body and Other Parties and the Lambda Literary Award winner In the Dream House
A powerful memoir that reckons with mental health as well as the insidious ways men impact the lives of women.
In early 2021, popular artist Anna Marie Tendler checked herself into a psychiatric hospital following a year of crippling anxiety, depression, and self-harm. Over two weeks, she underwent myriad psychological tests, participated in numerous therapy sessions, connected with fellow patients and experienced profound breakthroughs, such as when a doctor noted, “There is a you inside that feels invisible to those looking at you from the outside.”
In Men Have Called Her Crazy, Tendler recounts her hospital experience as well as pivotal moments in her life that preceded and followed. As the title suggests, many of these moments are impacted by men: unrequited love in high school; the twenty-eight-year-old she lost her virginity to when she was sixteen; the frustrations and absurdities of dating in her mid-thirties; and her decision to freeze her eggs as all her friends were starting families.
This stunning literary self-portrait examines the unreasonable expectations and pressures women face in the 21st century. Yet overwhelming and despairing as that can feel, Tendler ultimately offers a message of hope. Early in her stay in the hospital, she says, “My wish for myself is that one day I’ll reach a place where I can face hardship without trying to destroy myself.” By the end of the book, she fulfills that wish.
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Community Reviews
I’m floored that the average rating of this book is so low! Overall, I loved it. I already knew who AMT was going into it so I’m perhaps a bit biased, but I thought it was a great memoir. But then again, most people only read memoirs of people they already know a bit about so maybe my judgement isn’t so flawed after all. My biggest critique of it is that I don’t think the title is very reflective of what’s actually in the book. I thought that the corrupt therapist (who was a woman btw!) was the most egregious mistreatment the author experienced—at least based on what was explicitly written in the book. I think if you go into this with an open mind and zero expectations, this memoir has a lot more to offer than the title suggests.
when i picked up this book i had no idea who this author was. when i read the title, i thought it would be about the way men belittle womenâs experiences and emotions. once i began this book, i thought this book would be about tendlerâs journey with mental health.
actually reading the book, i feel like itâs about basically nothing.
donât get me wrongâif anna was just my friend telling me all this, iâd be happy to listen. but this is a book, and i expected to get something out of it. something i enjoy about memoirs is that whether the story is sad, inspirational, fascinating, or funny, i always feel like i really dive into someoneâs life. i also feel like i gain something after iâm done. i did not feel that way at all with this book.
i donât even feel like i know anna that well, which is crazy because i just read 296 pages of her writing. i also found her dislikable which always makes liking a memoir more challenging!
her writing style just irked me. there were some really interesting parts of the story where just as i got intrigued, sheâd just finish describing it clinically and move on. again, totally fine for talking to a friend but as a book, iâm looking for more⦠some examples include her relationship with dr. karr and having to find a new therapist, having to cut her exâs hair in order to pay him back and continue to see him after breaking up, and her views of her mom and of motherhood. i also found her way of skipping around and randomly diving into the middle of stories, not giving context until 10 pages later, confusing and weird. i also think she wrote this assuming her audience would be people who already knew who she was. i didnât at first so some parts caught me off guard like when she casually mentioned a divorce (you got divorced? you were married?! what year is it now??) or her âprivileged financial situationâ (i thought you were struggling like 20 pages ago, when did this happen??)
i just didnât enjoy the presentation of this book at all.
on page 1 on this book, anna mentions she has disordered eating. this is not mentioned again throughout her narrative of her psychiatric stay. it is not mentioned at all until page 234 where she mentions she has extreme thinness sheâs trying to cover. why mention this in your book that is largely about mental illness if you never actually talk about it?
about 2/3 of the way through, the book makes a big tone change from talking about mental health to talking about dating. she definitely discussed her relationships with men before, but it was mostly in the context of her mental health and self image. all of a sudden, she starts talking about using the apps and going on dates. then she starts ivf? she also randomly drops bits about art into this without ever really diving into the role of art in her life, which i think couldâve been so interesting. her critique about men was interesting, even if i didnât agree with every bit of it, and i liked her analysis of how this played into her relationships. but i was just so confused why we were jumping around with seemingly no thematic thread and not even a purely chronological order.
then all of a sudden, TWO PAGES from the end, she switches attitude and tone entirely!! she is suddenly Healed. she is Good, and Okay, and Okay not Being Okay. she is suddenly accepting of life and of not being perfect. girl⦠good for you but where did this come from? how did this happen?? THATâS what i wanted to read about! genuinely glad she seems to be doing a lot better and still getting help but as a book, i was simultaneously very confused and relieved to be done.
overall my impression: flimsy book thatâs too long for how much substance is actually in it, wish it was more introspective, a few good parts hidden in a morass of boring. had to force myself to finish it.
rating: 1.5 stars
ps sooo unrelated but i hate the cover of this book i think itâs very ugly
actually reading the book, i feel like itâs about basically nothing.
donât get me wrongâif anna was just my friend telling me all this, iâd be happy to listen. but this is a book, and i expected to get something out of it. something i enjoy about memoirs is that whether the story is sad, inspirational, fascinating, or funny, i always feel like i really dive into someoneâs life. i also feel like i gain something after iâm done. i did not feel that way at all with this book.
i donât even feel like i know anna that well, which is crazy because i just read 296 pages of her writing. i also found her dislikable which always makes liking a memoir more challenging!
her writing style just irked me. there were some really interesting parts of the story where just as i got intrigued, sheâd just finish describing it clinically and move on. again, totally fine for talking to a friend but as a book, iâm looking for more⦠some examples include her relationship with dr. karr and having to find a new therapist, having to cut her exâs hair in order to pay him back and continue to see him after breaking up, and her views of her mom and of motherhood. i also found her way of skipping around and randomly diving into the middle of stories, not giving context until 10 pages later, confusing and weird. i also think she wrote this assuming her audience would be people who already knew who she was. i didnât at first so some parts caught me off guard like when she casually mentioned a divorce (you got divorced? you were married?! what year is it now??) or her âprivileged financial situationâ (i thought you were struggling like 20 pages ago, when did this happen??)
i just didnât enjoy the presentation of this book at all.
on page 1 on this book, anna mentions she has disordered eating. this is not mentioned again throughout her narrative of her psychiatric stay. it is not mentioned at all until page 234 where she mentions she has extreme thinness sheâs trying to cover. why mention this in your book that is largely about mental illness if you never actually talk about it?
about 2/3 of the way through, the book makes a big tone change from talking about mental health to talking about dating. she definitely discussed her relationships with men before, but it was mostly in the context of her mental health and self image. all of a sudden, she starts talking about using the apps and going on dates. then she starts ivf? she also randomly drops bits about art into this without ever really diving into the role of art in her life, which i think couldâve been so interesting. her critique about men was interesting, even if i didnât agree with every bit of it, and i liked her analysis of how this played into her relationships. but i was just so confused why we were jumping around with seemingly no thematic thread and not even a purely chronological order.
then all of a sudden, TWO PAGES from the end, she switches attitude and tone entirely!! she is suddenly Healed. she is Good, and Okay, and Okay not Being Okay. she is suddenly accepting of life and of not being perfect. girl⦠good for you but where did this come from? how did this happen?? THATâS what i wanted to read about! genuinely glad she seems to be doing a lot better and still getting help but as a book, i was simultaneously very confused and relieved to be done.
overall my impression: flimsy book thatâs too long for how much substance is actually in it, wish it was more introspective, a few good parts hidden in a morass of boring. had to force myself to finish it.
rating: 1.5 stars
ps sooo unrelated but i hate the cover of this book i think itâs very ugly
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