Good Morning, Monster: A Therapist Shares Five Heroic Stories of Emotional Recovery
As seen on Good Morning America's SEPTEMBER 2020 READING LIST and FAVORITE BOOKS OF 2020!
"We need to read stories about folks who have been through hell and kept going... Fascinating." --Glennon Doyle, A Favorite Book of 2020 on Good Morning America
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Community Reviews
I first learned about this book from Dear Media Productions, a podcast company that also released a fictionalized version of the book. The book piqued my interest since it gives the background for the podcast (and pending TV show).
However, I felt conflicted reading the book. I don’t believe in the “psychological heroes” theme because one doesn’t need to go through harrowing trauma (sexual, emotional, physical, spiritual) to be deemed a “hero.” It’s too relative of a term to just praise someone with and not recognize that anyone who chooses to overcome their anxiety, depression, etc. is also successful.
Some of the “consent” she received from her selected patients is very murky: one already died and another barely agreed to it. I also was appalled at how she could be so dense when her patient walked out on her after she called him handsome, knowing very well that crossed a boundary between doctor-patient relations. Yes, I get that they unpacked how it triggered him from his days of being groomed by a residential school priest, but using any subjective language to describe a patient’s appearance to them is ethically unacceptable.
Dr. Gildiner’s assessment of one patient’s relationship to their trans wife was also very problematic. I get that this was in the 1980s and the academic research and literature on LGBTQIA+ was very limited, but to assume the lesbian patient’s initial attachment to her trans wife was because of the absence of both a mother and father figure in her childhood is very presumptuous. It was also a one sentence assessment without further insight, and it also wasn’t a topic the patient even wanted to dive into per se.
I was shocked at how much Dr. Gildiner had intertwined herself into the personal lives of the last two patients. Meeting people outside their lives, and even providing sessions to the last patient at her workplace. When she got fired by the last patient and she sought advice from another psychotherapist who pointed out to her that the patient’s case was compromised from the start because she agreed to fly from Toronto to Manhattan to conduct their sessions at her workplace, instead of requesting the patient to fly to her office in Toronto instead. And because of the patient’s own father’s (a former patient of hers as well but quit after a few sessions) own unresolved problems with being attached to emotionally unavailable and abusive women, she couldn’t properly serve the daughter’s own needs. Yes, she’s already had 25 years of experience up to this point, and I’d expect she wouldn’t make these mistakes by now. The part about how the daughter tested her by giving her a gift to see if she could trust her, that to me was already a red flag when Dr. Gildiner already accepted the free plane rides from Canada to the United States to conduct the therapy sessions.
I am astounded at the questionable ethics of her treatment and analysis that she provided to her patients. And now the book is a podcast and will be made into a TV series, she’s almost trying to vie for the real-life version of the TV fictional psychologist Frasier character. Yes, I’ll concede that she knows how to tell a great story (hence the two stars instead of one), and I’ll concede that most of her treatments were in the 80s and 90s and early 00s so maybe if these cases were published during that time the lenses would be quite different from the 2020s. She does record her limitations of understanding her non-white patients but this further proves that for a woman of color like myself, I can never seek a white woman’s guidance for formal therapy.
However, I felt conflicted reading the book. I don’t believe in the “psychological heroes” theme because one doesn’t need to go through harrowing trauma (sexual, emotional, physical, spiritual) to be deemed a “hero.” It’s too relative of a term to just praise someone with and not recognize that anyone who chooses to overcome their anxiety, depression, etc. is also successful.
Some of the “consent” she received from her selected patients is very murky: one already died and another barely agreed to it. I also was appalled at how she could be so dense when her patient walked out on her after she called him handsome, knowing very well that crossed a boundary between doctor-patient relations. Yes, I get that they unpacked how it triggered him from his days of being groomed by a residential school priest, but using any subjective language to describe a patient’s appearance to them is ethically unacceptable.
Dr. Gildiner’s assessment of one patient’s relationship to their trans wife was also very problematic. I get that this was in the 1980s and the academic research and literature on LGBTQIA+ was very limited, but to assume the lesbian patient’s initial attachment to her trans wife was because of the absence of both a mother and father figure in her childhood is very presumptuous. It was also a one sentence assessment without further insight, and it also wasn’t a topic the patient even wanted to dive into per se.
I was shocked at how much Dr. Gildiner had intertwined herself into the personal lives of the last two patients. Meeting people outside their lives, and even providing sessions to the last patient at her workplace. When she got fired by the last patient and she sought advice from another psychotherapist who pointed out to her that the patient’s case was compromised from the start because she agreed to fly from Toronto to Manhattan to conduct their sessions at her workplace, instead of requesting the patient to fly to her office in Toronto instead. And because of the patient’s own father’s (a former patient of hers as well but quit after a few sessions) own unresolved problems with being attached to emotionally unavailable and abusive women, she couldn’t properly serve the daughter’s own needs. Yes, she’s already had 25 years of experience up to this point, and I’d expect she wouldn’t make these mistakes by now. The part about how the daughter tested her by giving her a gift to see if she could trust her, that to me was already a red flag when Dr. Gildiner already accepted the free plane rides from Canada to the United States to conduct the therapy sessions.
I am astounded at the questionable ethics of her treatment and analysis that she provided to her patients. And now the book is a podcast and will be made into a TV series, she’s almost trying to vie for the real-life version of the TV fictional psychologist Frasier character. Yes, I’ll concede that she knows how to tell a great story (hence the two stars instead of one), and I’ll concede that most of her treatments were in the 80s and 90s and early 00s so maybe if these cases were published during that time the lenses would be quite different from the 2020s. She does record her limitations of understanding her non-white patients but this further proves that for a woman of color like myself, I can never seek a white woman’s guidance for formal therapy.
God this book!
I had so many feelings about this book. I feel like I learned so much from reading this book about working with patients, particularly patients with cPTSD and otherwise "difficult" presentations. I found her ability to use the therapy process and the relationship as a means for helping her patients reach insights to be inspiring, and the way that she was able to look at a patient presentation and determine the way to approach therapy was almost intimidating since I feel like I definitely would not be able to do that with my own patients.
But what I admired most about the author was that she was able to write eloquently about the many times that she either didn't know something or fucked up. She admitted to mistakes and talked about all the people she had consulted for supervision when she struggled. Hearing from someone who has 25 years of experience as a private therapist and knowing that they still had their own difficulties definitely helps with my own anxiety.
And finally, I really enjoyed reading about the cases themselves. None of these cases are the straightforward cases that I'm mostly working with at my school clinic. Most of these cases are difficult and complicated due to years of trauma, and many of these patients show up to therapy with a resistance towards the process. Watching the author work with the patient to uncover and process the source of their hurt and pain was once again inspiring to me; there is so much there and so many places to misstep - which she did do - and yet, she was able to get through patient ruptures, which is one of my biggest anxieties in seeing patients for therapy.
Watching these patients deal with their traumas and grow and become a happier person in the end was so rewarding (and something that I find rewarding when I work with my own patients, particularly forensic populations), and I honestly cried a couple times as I was reading their stories. The author called them "survivors of war" and "heroes," and I completely agree with her. Their stories really highlighted the depths of human spirit and strength and I hope I can one day work with patients like these.
I had so many feelings about this book. I feel like I learned so much from reading this book about working with patients, particularly patients with cPTSD and otherwise "difficult" presentations. I found her ability to use the therapy process and the relationship as a means for helping her patients reach insights to be inspiring, and the way that she was able to look at a patient presentation and determine the way to approach therapy was almost intimidating since I feel like I definitely would not be able to do that with my own patients.
But what I admired most about the author was that she was able to write eloquently about the many times that she either didn't know something or fucked up. She admitted to mistakes and talked about all the people she had consulted for supervision when she struggled. Hearing from someone who has 25 years of experience as a private therapist and knowing that they still had their own difficulties definitely helps with my own anxiety.
And finally, I really enjoyed reading about the cases themselves. None of these cases are the straightforward cases that I'm mostly working with at my school clinic. Most of these cases are difficult and complicated due to years of trauma, and many of these patients show up to therapy with a resistance towards the process. Watching the author work with the patient to uncover and process the source of their hurt and pain was once again inspiring to me; there is so much there and so many places to misstep - which she did do - and yet, she was able to get through patient ruptures, which is one of my biggest anxieties in seeing patients for therapy.
Watching these patients deal with their traumas and grow and become a happier person in the end was so rewarding (and something that I find rewarding when I work with my own patients, particularly forensic populations), and I honestly cried a couple times as I was reading their stories. The author called them "survivors of war" and "heroes," and I completely agree with her. Their stories really highlighted the depths of human spirit and strength and I hope I can one day work with patients like these.
Man was this book something else! To say I will forget about this book would be a lie. I agree with the author when she states in the epilogue I will think about these 5 patients’ stories for a long time. Their stories are heartbreaking but inspiring stories of human resilience. A MUST READ.
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