Far from the Tree

What a book. This book is about three siblings who all had different experiences after their mom gave them up, either for adoption or into the foster care system. This is a book that takes a hard look at tough questions but manages to try to give some open-ended answers in a way that makes the tough questions a little softer.

I put this book on my hold list at the library after seeing it on one of those "25 Young Adult Books You Should Read in February" or something like that. I'm constantly looking at lists like that and occasionally reading a book off of it. Usually I'll put a book on hold if it sounds great or if this is, like, the fifth list I've seen it on. Most of those have been good decisions (ex: I'll Give You the Sun) but not all of them were as spectacular as I'd wanted (ex: Everything, Everything). Nonetheless, what a time to be a YA fan. I'm a HUGE YA fan (it's practically all I read) and the stigma against adults who read YA is lessening, which is nice. Anyhow, I put it on my hold list, then forgot about it. When I picked it up at the library, I had no idea what it was about. When I opened it, I didn't look at the dust jacket synopsis because I thought it would be more fun that was. It was. It was like discovering a flower opening rather than hearing about it first, then seeing it.

This book was wonderful. It tackles a lot of tough concepts: what do you do when you're fifteen and pregnant? How do you feel after you've given your baby up for adoption? What's it like being the only one of your siblings who wasn't adopted? Questions like that. Those are tough questions and it tries to engage with them. I don't think it necessarily provides answers, but it gives perspective.

I am someone for whom adoption is a familiar story, because two of my cousins are adopted. I am Lauren, the biological sister born after the adopted sister. I was just a cousin, but my cousins feel like sisters. I grew up just knowing that my cousins were adopted. I honestly can't remember when my parents told me or how I felt about it at the time. It was just a thing. Secretly, I hope I wasn't an accidental dick about it when I was a kid. I literally can't remember anything about it. There's been a long and complicated relationship with it, though. We talk about a lot of things that hurt just a little. We talk about how cute the younger one was when they got her, super red and with this big bow mouth. Every now and again, health things will come up. My cousin recently had a baby and we are curious how genes are going to display themselves, because we have no idea what genes she has. We talk about her parents occasionally. I'm worried because dementia might run in my family. But not for my cousins. I am the sibling who has never known anything different, feels nothing different, wants nothing different. But I'm not the one who's adopted. I'm not the outsider. This book gave me a lot of insight into how maybe my cousins might feel. It was nice to recognize myself in a character and know that I wasn't alone in how I felt about the situation. It was nice to have it fictionalized and not in some bold-faced, black-and-white self-help non-fiction book. It made me think about how glad I am to have my cousins but also how this must have affected and is still affecting their lives. I can't completely understand their point of view because I am not them, but I can understand it better after reading this book.

I will always love them and they will always be part of my family. But it's a complicated family and a complicated situation, and this book helped shed light on how to look at the tangle that is a family with adoption.

Also, not gonna lie, cried quite a bit at the end. Felt good. But I'm tired now.

Good