Fair Play: Reese's Book Club: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live)
AN INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • A REESE'S BOOK CLUB PICK
Tired, stressed, and in need of more help from your partner? Imagine running your household (and life!) in a new way...
It started with the Sh*t I Do List. Tired of being the “shefault” parent responsible for all aspects of her busy household, Eve Rodsky counted up all the unpaid, invisible work she was doing for her family—and then sent that list to her husband, asking for things to change. His response was...underwhelming. Rodsky realized that simply identifying the issue of unequal labor on the home front wasn't enough: She needed a solution to this universal problem. Her sanity, identity, career, and marriage depended on it.
The result is Fair Play: a time- and anxiety-saving system that offers couples a completely new way to divvy up domestic responsibilities. Rodsky interviewed more than five hundred men and women from all walks of life to figure out what the invisible work in a family actually entails and how to get it all done efficiently. With 4 easy-to-follow rules, 100 household tasks, and a series of conversation starters for you and your partner, Fair Play helps you prioritize what's important to your family and who should take the lead on every chore, from laundry to homework to dinner.
“Winning” this game means rebalancing your home life, reigniting your relationship with your significant other, and reclaiming your Unicorn Space—the time to develop the skills and passions that keep you interested and interesting. Stop drowning in to-dos and lose some of that invisible workload that's pulling you down. Are you ready to try Fair Play? Let's deal you in.
Tired, stressed, and in need of more help from your partner? Imagine running your household (and life!) in a new way...
It started with the Sh*t I Do List. Tired of being the “shefault” parent responsible for all aspects of her busy household, Eve Rodsky counted up all the unpaid, invisible work she was doing for her family—and then sent that list to her husband, asking for things to change. His response was...underwhelming. Rodsky realized that simply identifying the issue of unequal labor on the home front wasn't enough: She needed a solution to this universal problem. Her sanity, identity, career, and marriage depended on it.
The result is Fair Play: a time- and anxiety-saving system that offers couples a completely new way to divvy up domestic responsibilities. Rodsky interviewed more than five hundred men and women from all walks of life to figure out what the invisible work in a family actually entails and how to get it all done efficiently. With 4 easy-to-follow rules, 100 household tasks, and a series of conversation starters for you and your partner, Fair Play helps you prioritize what's important to your family and who should take the lead on every chore, from laundry to homework to dinner.
“Winning” this game means rebalancing your home life, reigniting your relationship with your significant other, and reclaiming your Unicorn Space—the time to develop the skills and passions that keep you interested and interesting. Stop drowning in to-dos and lose some of that invisible workload that's pulling you down. Are you ready to try Fair Play? Let's deal you in.
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Community Reviews
I read this book as part of my journey to understand how my and my wife’s lives have changed now that little Alice lives with us and what that means for our responsibilities to Alice, each other, and ourselves.
The book has a simple message: people do not value men and women’s time equally. People expect women’s time to expand to fill the needs of a household, whereas men’s time is finite and appropriate to direct to the most important aspects of work and home life. It is not only men that are guilty of this, but women as well. It is not merely marriage and childbirth that reinforces this, but family, friends, the workplace and our culture.
The book has a simple approach. Write down the stuff that has to get done, define what it means to do it well, and divide it up. Then you own that thing - don’t make your partner remind you when to do it or ask them how it is supposed to work. That’s your bucket of water and you gotta carry it. Fair is fair.
The book has critics. They fall into three camps. (1) this is inauthentic - not how real people and relationships work; (2) this is overly condemning of and angry toward men; (3) this ideal you are describing applies only to wealthy people of certain socioeconomic characteristics. Let’s look at each.
To (1), the book has a simple challenge, if you refuse to do this or feel it is inauthentic or not organic, you are almost certainly choosing to reinforce the unfair power dynamics of our patriarchy that condemns women to be treated as a sort of servile class. Winging it will not solve this - it’s too ingrained.
To (2) I’m not sure what people expect. People being treated poorly, especially systematically, should be upset about that. That’s how people work and to expect this message to be delivered in a monotone rational tone is to ask not just too much but to deprive the author of her right to normal emotions.
To (3), the book ran a risk. The author could have been abstract and applicable to everyone or she could write what she knew and turn some folks off. She did the later and I think that’s just fine. The part that gets upsetting for folks is that the author writes in a universal tone - about her need for things like unicorn space, which don’t even get me started about authors who invent names like this for things that could be described in simple and easily understandable terms.
Anyhow, three is a fair criticism. Time for someone out there to write the next book and tell us how this looks from their perspective and how they approach the problem. The best critics do not throw away good ideas that offend them, they improve them!
Four stars!
The book has a simple message: people do not value men and women’s time equally. People expect women’s time to expand to fill the needs of a household, whereas men’s time is finite and appropriate to direct to the most important aspects of work and home life. It is not only men that are guilty of this, but women as well. It is not merely marriage and childbirth that reinforces this, but family, friends, the workplace and our culture.
The book has a simple approach. Write down the stuff that has to get done, define what it means to do it well, and divide it up. Then you own that thing - don’t make your partner remind you when to do it or ask them how it is supposed to work. That’s your bucket of water and you gotta carry it. Fair is fair.
The book has critics. They fall into three camps. (1) this is inauthentic - not how real people and relationships work; (2) this is overly condemning of and angry toward men; (3) this ideal you are describing applies only to wealthy people of certain socioeconomic characteristics. Let’s look at each.
To (1), the book has a simple challenge, if you refuse to do this or feel it is inauthentic or not organic, you are almost certainly choosing to reinforce the unfair power dynamics of our patriarchy that condemns women to be treated as a sort of servile class. Winging it will not solve this - it’s too ingrained.
To (2) I’m not sure what people expect. People being treated poorly, especially systematically, should be upset about that. That’s how people work and to expect this message to be delivered in a monotone rational tone is to ask not just too much but to deprive the author of her right to normal emotions.
To (3), the book ran a risk. The author could have been abstract and applicable to everyone or she could write what she knew and turn some folks off. She did the later and I think that’s just fine. The part that gets upsetting for folks is that the author writes in a universal tone - about her need for things like unicorn space, which don’t even get me started about authors who invent names like this for things that could be described in simple and easily understandable terms.
Anyhow, three is a fair criticism. Time for someone out there to write the next book and tell us how this looks from their perspective and how they approach the problem. The best critics do not throw away good ideas that offend them, they improve them!
Four stars!
This book is only for two-parent homes struggling to find a balance in at-home responsibilities. There were a lot of things it left unaddressed- such as workaholic spouses, or as numerous reviews stated, any kind of lower-class home (where for example maybe one person works a night shift). If you want it only for that very limited area, it's helpful.
I happen to have a husband who is not only doing a fair amount but might also be doing an equal amount (or more?). But one thing I've noticed in my friends' relationships-- that this book addresses (though perhaps not clearly enough) is that many mothers take on a bunch of tasks that are actually not at all important to their husbands. I think the reason I notice this so much is because I'm not the type of mother who feels like we need to craft for every holiday or decorate to excess or aggressively participate in my children's homework etc. I have "husband standards" for many things. So when I see a friend who is a mother sign each of her kid up for three activities and then bemoan that her husband won't help with all of them- I silently agree with the husband. Her standard is just too high in my opinion. That's why I think the most valuable part of this book is the part where she makes couples agree on their values and what tasks need to get done before they apportion those tasks. The more tasks you can just completely take off the list so that neither person has to do them, the better, in my opinion.
I've been recommending this book to people I know might benefit from it.
I happen to have a husband who is not only doing a fair amount but might also be doing an equal amount (or more?). But one thing I've noticed in my friends' relationships-- that this book addresses (though perhaps not clearly enough) is that many mothers take on a bunch of tasks that are actually not at all important to their husbands. I think the reason I notice this so much is because I'm not the type of mother who feels like we need to craft for every holiday or decorate to excess or aggressively participate in my children's homework etc. I have "husband standards" for many things. So when I see a friend who is a mother sign each of her kid up for three activities and then bemoan that her husband won't help with all of them- I silently agree with the husband. Her standard is just too high in my opinion. That's why I think the most valuable part of this book is the part where she makes couples agree on their values and what tasks need to get done before they apportion those tasks. The more tasks you can just completely take off the list so that neither person has to do them, the better, in my opinion.
I've been recommending this book to people I know might benefit from it.
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