Crying in H Mart: A Memoir

“I remember these things clearly because that was how my mother loved you, not through white lies and constant verbal affirmation, but in subtle observations of what brought you joy, pocketed away to make you feel comforted and cared for without even realizing it.”

What a beautiful tribute to her "Lovely" mother.

I connected with this at first because of my own complicated relationship with my mother. Zauner had struggles with both of her parents, for different reasons. She was finally feeling like she was coming back to achieving a closer relationship with her mother, when she finds out her mom has been diagnosed with cancer. She lives in the East Coast and her parents are in Eugene, Oregon, so she drops everything to head back home across the country. In between recounting the horrors of watching her mother suffer through this terrible illness, Zauner threads in memories of growing up with her Korean mother and American father, the good and the bad. She had tried to reconnect with her mother through food, and her writing becomes almost lyrical, and you can almost taste these meals she's lovingly recreated and how it's given her a better appreciation of her mother and her heritage.

I couldn't help but feel for her when, after her mother passes, she has dreams of her mother being alive and in the dream being so happy to see her, that she's not dead after all, she was just away somewhere, or couldn't contact her for some reason -- only to wake up to reality. Well, 30 years after my brother passed away all too young from lung cancer, I still have those dreams. Not as frequently as I used to, but they still come. I still am just as happy to see him, and still devastated to wake up to the knowledge that he's still gone.

Extra bonus: The author is a musician, in a band Japanese Breakfast, and her references to music were also fun to read. Now I have to go look up some of this music she wrote about!

Read this bc my book club wanted to read it. It was a quick read and although the situation/relationship the author had with her mom was different than mine, I still related to much of the care taking and grief described. At one point it was too painful so I put it down but returned to it a few days later. Not sure how you’re feeling about your mom’s situation right now, but this book might be helpful as well as upsetting.

3.5⭐️

If you were to ask the internet to give you a list of the most delectable-looking animated food, you'd certainly be inundated with gifs from Studio Ghibli movies. My mind goes to the scene of Sophie cooking breakfast in Howl's Moving Castle or to the iconic golden-brown fish pie from Spirited Away. Ghibli food is lauded because even when confined to two dimensions, the smells and tastes are so strongly evoked, it's almost as if I am there myself.

All that to say, that's how I felt about this book. Of course, Zauner's food descriptions had me fantasizing over rice and noodles and marinated short ribs so strongly that I nearly broke my laptop in my rush to search "Korean restaurants near me." But it was her characterization of emotions and complex relationships that really turned this book into something special. I was moved to tears on not one but seven occasions (and to be fair, one of those times lasted about thirty pages straight) because I could feel her love and hope and pain and sorrow so deeply. Overall, a beautifully written memoir that was well worth the tissues I went through. Five stars.