A Study in Drowning

Loved it can't use words rn but loved it and cried <3

A dark haunting tale full of the reality of being powerless.

For me, Preston was the best part of this book. I saw through that stoicism Effy assumed about him immediately because I identified so hard with him. Every time he chose kindness and empathy with Effy was like a balm. Each time another dose of "Ah yes, that's how good people treat others". I liked how he kept his promises. But Effy grew on me too. I liked her willingness to learn and change. I liked seeing her find her strength little by little. I liked seeing her create space for Preston to be vulnerable. And no spoils but some of her lines in that last chapter have taken permanent residence in my mind. I was so proud of her. You tell him, sister! I liked how at its core, this was a story about women's strength, resiliency, compassion, and truth. This is a book that will always have a home on my shelf. Book 2 up next! Edit: Also, I know there are people who are understandably not cool with the racism/xenophobia in this book. That is valid. Without spoiling anything, I want you to know that this is addressed in the next book at length. If this book tackled misogyny, the next tackles racism and xenophobia.

Like making a bad soup out of a bunch of ingredients you like, only to not understand how it ended up tasting horrible...that's what reading this book was like for me. There are things I love in here...the persistent theme of women being overlooked, underestimated, and uncredited in academic and literary worlds (points for what I am assuming/hoping is a nod to Zelda Fitzgerald in the acknowledgements), the crumbling manor house and the press of the sea, and what I had hoped would be a sincere journey of a young woman preyed upon by her college professor (something that happens all too often), working through her trauma and finding her own voice. And it was those things, just done...badly.
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The constant references to Effy's beauty and the insta-lust effect she had on men got tiring, I never believed Ianto really had an interest in her, and the Preston relationship felt rushed (when he was like "I want you," I was like "Really?") and its consummation super gross after what she'd gone through with her professor and her panicked flashbacks through the rest of the book. Let's be real for a sec, you don't go from an experience like that to one single kiss with a guy you like, an "I'll be gentle" two seconds later, and then banging like it's all good. It made me feel like the author didn't do her research into what it's really like to be a survivor of sexual assault.

I also felt like the last 25% of the book was too rushed and a giant exposition dump, the great big mystery was obvious from about 40% in, and for all its marketing of being "dark academia," this book spends so little time in an academic setting that it feels mislabeled.

Sigh. I'd toss this one in the sea.

Wet paper is disgusting but I do love myself some cute nerds with trust issues.